Six Weeks and Some Days - I'm Bleary, Sue Me.

I need to be napping! It's crazy I'm here instead about to "waffle on" as Alice would say, but I have so much to talk about and I NEVER get a minute to myself, until today, because TODAY, I finally caved and put Peabody down to sleep on his belly and he's napped so well thanks to that. I already feel like a new person and it's only 1:30 PM.

Since last Wednesday we've been having a rough time with sleep for Matthew. Prior to that he was literally allowing himself to be put to bed awake and was peacefully drifting off on his own. BUT THEN! Like clockwork, just as the books and new baby websites state, my little almost six-week old (at that time) found his hands and decided that HE MUST SUCK ON THOSE HANDS, OR DIE TRYING.

Which meant we could not swaddle him tightly enough to keep him from prying those hands and arms loose, whereupon they'd wave wildly around his little head (because he hasn't developed control of them yet), batting him in the face and ultimately knocking out his precious pacifier. Then the floodgates would open and he'd be inconsolable until somebody went in, reswaddled and plugged the pacifier back in, which would last another 8 minutes until he'd pry his hands loose and start the whole miserable cycle again.

At night he still slept very well, but getting him DOWN the first time at night was miserable. I'd feed him, swaddle him and put him into his bed all sleepy with his eyes closed and the minute he was actually fully into his bed, his eyes would FLY open and he'd just lie there, staring up at me with this "HOW COULD YOU???" look on his face, wrestling his swaddle blanket and whimpering.

Sigh. And I'd rub his head, tell him I loved him and to have a good sleep, and walk away, hoping he'd drift off quickly.

And the nursing at that time of night has been really difficult. For some reason he squirms and pulls and grimaces and kicks while I try to feed him. He pops off and on and angrily roots around, but once latched he seems SO DISSATISFIED with the meal. I thought it was that he was tired because a few times two weeks ago the MINUTE he started that I'd just wrap him up and put him to bed and he'd go right to sleep, but that didn't last and now he just does the whole stare pathetically thing and begins to howl. So of course my first thought was, "I'm not making enough milk for him." Because as well as we've been doing, my confidence is still very shaky and the first sign of anything wrong immediately makes me think I'm going to FAIL AGAIN at feeding him myself. Anyway so two nights ago I decided to give him, on top of nursing him, about 2 oz. of expressed milk from a bottle.

And wouldn't you know he guzzled that down and fell merrily off to sleep as if that was all he'd ever needed and why hadn't I done that ages ago?

Sigh.

So all day yesterday I fed him every hour on the hour (he wouldn't nap anyway so I figured why not?) to build up my supply and by day's end my back and The Girls were KILLING ME from all that nursing (not my nibbles - his latch is great and they've really never hurt - just the whole breast feels bruised and raw on the inside from all that vaccuum action, if that makes sense). I haven't pumped today so I don't know if it did anything for the supply, and now I think that wasn't the issue anyway because he went to sleep pretty well last night (after an hour of the pacifier relay we do, one going to plug it in, then the other, back and forth like that for an hour. It's so stupid. Why did we cave and give him that thing?)

Besides, if I've been putting him to bed hungry night after night, why does he sleep six hours and then wake up and only eat one side before falling back into blissful sleep again?

It really can't be that I'm not giving him enough milk.

So today I decided to try some new sleeping positions, and to let him out of that swaddle for awhile to see what he'd do. First I tried him on his back without the swaddle and that just made him cry. Then I tried him (I know, it's bad, but I'm right here with the monitor, his bedding is plenty tight and the mattress very firm) on his belly and WHAMMO. Lights out, dude. Oh, and I also put a little wind up sailbox that plays Row Row Row Your Boat in there with him, which he LOVED. I think the best part of being on his belly is that with his right fist placed naturally up by his chin, he can actually hold his pacifier in his own mouth.

So now, he sleeps again. I don't think I'll put him on his tummy overnight - maybe on his tummy for the first sleep of the night and the when he gets up to eat I can put him back down on his back or his side, because he seems very easy to get back to sleep then anyway.

We shall see. All I know is that by 11:30 AM yesterday I called Al to warn him that things were not going well at ALL and he might need to come home, but I'd give it another hour or two before I asked him to do that. (I never called him again but he came home by 3 anyway. I guess he knows I don't make that kindof call without a seriously good reason and so decided to just come on home.) I never made a call like that even once with Bean, although she wouldn't sleep during the day for MONTHS. It's the two-kid factor, I guess. I was kindof at my wit's end yesterday. But then again, I forgot to mention that night before last Bean was up for an hour on top of the two times I got up with Peabody, and we stayed up until nearly 11, so I only got about 2.5 hours of sleep that night, which I can't handle. At rock bottom minimum, I have to have 5 hours or my brain does all sorts of weird things the next day. I really need 9 hours a night, but that's pretty much out of the question at this point, obviously.

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The bloodtests:

We went last Thursday to the hospital where Matthew was born to have blood drawn for his bili-level and anemia/hemophelia tests. The phlebotomists couldn't find a vein in my poor boy for the longest time - he had to be stuck FOUR times, once in the hand, then in both arms and finally in his heel (should have done that to begin with!) to get the blood they wanted for the tests. At one point they decided they couldn't SEE a vein anywhere so they'd just stick a needle into the inner crease of his elbow and DIG AROUND in there until they struck gold.

I about body slammed them after several minutes of digging in my baby's arm as he screamed and cried. They made ME hold him down, too. It was AWFUL.

I know it's hard to find veins on newborns. I do. It's hard to find a vein on me - I'm notorious for that and no one can EVER get into a vein the first stick on me. I'm an adult. I can take it. BUT A BABY?

What a nightmare. We were in the room working on him for TWO HOURS, with poor Bean bored and restless, me sweating and angry and ready to FIGHT someone, and Matthew wailing away. I stopped them at one point and nursed the poor guy for awhile to give him some comfort, but he had to go back to them again after that.

The test results were fine though. I shouldn't have had to take him in for those tests - she KNEW he was fine.

Anyway by the end of that day I couldn't string two words together. Al came home and I just looked at him blankly. Bean had to tell him where we'd gone and he gleaned all the info he needed from what she told him. "MAFEW CRIED A LOT DADDY. A REALLY REALLY LOT."

Oh yes. He did.

Anyway, his bili levels were slightly elevated but not enough to warrant the doctor "insisting" I stop breastfeeding for 24 hours. Much to her credit, she said, "You could do it, but I know you really would prefer not to, so we'll reassess at his 2 month c/u in three weeks."

You betcha we will. He'll be fine, too. He's fine now. No longer yellow as far as I can tell.

I just want to know how much he weighs, because I was looking at him today and I swear he's gigantic. His facial features used to take up his whole head/face area and now they seem so small when I look at them in the context of his big round noggin. Al comes home every DAY and says he's grown more. I just bought 0-3 mos sleepers for him less than two weeks ago and he'll be out of those in a few days - his FEET are too big for the feet on the sleepers, and he's so long they just pull on his little shoulders when he stretches out full-length. My boy is BIG.

He's also gettin' those CHEEKS like Bean's. I need to take a picture of his little pumpkin-head cheeks. He's adorable.

And smiley.

But he has cradle cap really badly. (Did someone say to put breastmilk on cradle cap? Jemma, was that you?) I'm using dandruff shampoo on it and that works great, actually, but I have to be SO careful not to get it in his little eyes, and one place he has it very badly is his eyebrows, so that's a challenge! He also has it on his ears and the creases on each side of his nose. Never seen anything like it, but it's confirmed to be cradle cap. I want it gone - because he's just so adorable but then he has this CRUST all over his cute little self.

Oh, I have to go. He's starting to grumble which means time is of the essence and I have to potty and hopefully get a little fifteen minute rest in myself. And drink something. I have constant cotton mouth!