Friday, March 28, 2008

21 weeks - A Boy! Whew!

New pictures in the belly gallery. And I'm hoping to scan the pictures from the ultrasound and get those posted over the weekend.

This week was all about processing and growing accustomed to the fact that Peanut is a BOY! So many friends have sworn from day one that he WAS a boy, I don't know why it came as such a huge shock, but it did. I think I'm still really in the throes of learning to think of myself as a mother of TWO kids, and now I'm adding being the mother of a boy to that adjustment. I don't know why this adjustment is so much tougher for me than adjusting to being a mother at all, but it is. I do think when Peanut is born I'll have LESS shock and adjustment to his arrival, simply BECAUSE I have already gotten used to seeing myself as and being a mother, period.

It dawned on me Thursday that the rapid motion of a boy might even be refreshing to me, as Bean and Al are both rather pokey by nature (which Al has admitted to himself, so I'm not tattling or anything). It'd be nice to have a little person who enjoys doing some things lickety split.

In retrospect I should have known Peanut was his Daddy's little boy in the days before the nausea started and those after it has ended, as my cravings when un-nauseous have run the Al-approved gamut of cheeseburgers, cheese, nuts, potroast and anything really, really hot and spicy. (Not that that's what Al eats, exclusively, just that those are some of his favorite things.) I've put Tabasco on everything from omelettes to peas and rice to beef stew, and my tastebuds ADORE the heat and the peppery flavor. Only trouble is that's not the right diet for a Mama who wears heartburn around like a tight, itchy wool scarf at all times. We make compromises, though, the Peanut and I. Yesterday I gave him his buffalo chicken tenders for lunch, and he gave me my dinner of Just Some Fruit. And we were both satisfied, in the end, although the heartburn nearly did me in in the afternoon yesterday. He will not be getting his buffalo chicken tenders again for awhile. You hear that, little boy? Mama needs to be able to breathe.

This morning at about 3:00 AM I noticed he had hiccups. Or at least I think he had hiccups. With Bean it was always easy to tell because she was so still and I'd feel a little rythmic pattern of poppy bumps in the same place for awhile. With Peanut, he is always moving around, so the bumples were in the right pattern but they were pretty much all over my belly. Also I felt him stretch and push his feet (I assume) WAAAAAAAY out against my right side today, which was a first. Bean did this constantly in the last trimester. She just rode around in there with her feet propped up on my lowest right rib, like the princess that she is.

I've noticed that on occasion Peanut does something in there that feels like it's cutting off the circulation to and from my head. Seriously! He'll move and then all of a sudden my head feels like I've been turned upside down. Very strange. It passes quickly, usually, but yesterday during the worst part of the heartburn, he stayed on whatever it was forEVER and I was literally coughing and gasping for breath and feeling like all the blood had rushed to my head for a couple of hours. I assume he'd just gotten in whatever position does that to me and then fallen asleep. It was scary and weird and I'm definitely going to ask Dr. Howey about it. Would his doing something with the umbilical cord cause that? It doesn't seem like it would, but I'm wondering.

Bean and I went shopping yesterday and bought Peanut some little newborn and 0-3 month things. The fall/winter clothes were on MAJOR sale at Sears and we found some cute stuff - some soft and pastel and sweet for Mama and some more true little boy-looking things for Peanut's rough-and-tumble side. A good mix, and at ridiculous prices. We got a pair of little blue pants and two tops in newborn size, a warm, fuzzy blue snowsuit/car sacque in 0-6 months size, and four shirts in 0-3 mos (some with little wintery, snowy motifs that are SO CUTE). And Bean got a cute spring dress for half price, too. She has it on this morning, hee hee!

Al finally felt Peanut move from the outside (obviously) on Thursday night. The baby was squirming around wildly and kicking up a storm for about an hour, and Al was able to make out just two or three really big movements. We found out why this is, too, which is what I've suspected all along. The sonogram showed that the placenta is anterior and to the left, right over where Peanut usually stays himself. So the placenta is muffling his movements quite a bit. It also explains why I don't ever see him poking anything out against my belly like some mothers do. I didn't with Bean, either, and I'm assuming (I never asked while I was pregnant with her) that the placenta must have been in the same or a similar position then, too.

I don't seem to have gained any weight this week. It's amazing to me how I can go weeks without gaining anything and then all of a sudden in a day or two I gain two or three lbs. at a time. But I do remember it was that way with Bean, too.

I'm trying to wean myself off the Unisom I'd been taking for nausea, as I don't have much nausea anymore (when I do, I can usually point to something I've eaten as the culprit, like non-healthy, greasy foods, and too much of them in one sitting!). That is not going too well at the moment, as now I'm waking up around 2 am and not getting back to sleep until 4-ish. But I think that will wear off over time. I just don't think I should be taking Unisom anymore since I don't need it for nausea. I never loved taking it at all, but I did it so I could get through the days. And it WAS nice to sleep those long, solid 8 hour nights - I can't imagine dealing with that nausea when I was also not sleeping well.

We have two or three full boy names on our short list now. I am sad to have to give up my favorite girl names for good, sigh, but the boy names are nice, as well, just more simple and straightforward, except one of them, which Al probably won't go for anyway. In fact, he doesn't even know it's still on MY list, because it was never a serious consideration for him.

It is time to start thinking about Peanut's room, as well. I did some preliminary shopping on-line for bedding this week but didn't settle on anything. I know it'll all come together in my head before too long, I just have to wait it out. I have the hardest time making decisions when I'm pregnant. Why IS that?

Monday, March 24, 2008

20 weeks, 3 days - It's A ...

Zowie.

I'm almost afraid to say it outloud!

It's a BOY!

A BOY!

A healthy, normal, very very active, (he never stopped moving for a minute during the entire 20-something minute ultrasound) baby BOY.

And his profile looks exactly like his Daddy's.

He's cute!

And he's a BOY!

ACK!

He's growing fine, he's got all his parts and no markers for chromosomal issues. His heart is lovely, his spine is beautiful, his hands and feet are tiny but perfect, and he's a

BOY.

Somebody pinch me, I'm having a BOY.

Friday, March 21, 2008

20 weeks - Halfway There, and Form vs. Function.

It's Friday, so the Belly Gallery's been updated with pictures from earlier today.

Can you hear the sizzlin' from where you are? That would be the heartburn. As my bump seems to have grown more in every direction this week, so has the heartburn increased. Oh my heavens it's fiery hot in there these days. I stay on top of it with Tums® and my beloved famotodine, but any slight miscalculation on my part leads to hours of discomfort.

But the nausea is still gone. And the cold or flu or infection or whatever that was is nearly gone.

And I am feeling much more like myself in general, moodwise, energywise and everything-elsewise. And what a welcome change that's been, and a huge answer to prayer. Yes, oh yes.

It truly does feel as if the top of my uterus has moved up more than an inch this week, although that's pretty much impossible. Actually not even this week! Overnight ONE night this happened! I went from feeling "normal" to feeling STUFFED full o' baby in 24 hours. I am thinking there's more to it than baby growth though, perhaps it is partially bowel-related and some of it may dissipate given the right, um, circumstances.

Also, if I were a betting woman, I'd say the baby may have moved to the head down position just yesterday, from what felt to be more lateral. All of a sudden my cervix and bladder are getting a good jostle or prod, or a longer more unpleasant LEAN, and there is a nice hard lump right down in my lower pelvis instead of higher up on my left side where it was just a few days ago. The kicking feelings are now up higher now, too, as if the feet have moved to the top. I'm really just guessing though, I've never been able to LOOK or FEEL my belly and know which way the baby was positioned, and even when Bean was almost ready to be born, no doctors or nurses ever speculated as to her position either, until it was just obvious and expected that she was head down. I always feel a bit jealous of women whose midwives feel around (or they themselves can) and know which part of the baby is which. I wish I knew for sure.

Anyway, I feel way bigger.

Our level II ultra-sound is on Monday at 10:45 am. I will be SO relieved to get that done and know (I hope) that the baby is healthy and fine. Of course I'm also excited to know if Peanut is a boy or a girl, but this time, more than last time, more than I ever imagined possible, I truly do NOT care one way or the either, boy or girl, I just pray and hope and sincerely care that the baby is safe and healthy. I just feel very anxious over that - since I am older, since I have had to take the famotodine for my stomach and the Unisom and B12 for the nausea, since I take a hottish bath EVERY day, sometimes TWICE a day. It's all fine by my doctor's counsel but still I worry. So when Monday is over, as long as everything goes well, I think I will be able to really relax and enjoy the second half of this pregnancy. The first half hasn't been an easy time... I'd so love to put all the yuck and the worry behind me and "glow" inside and out from now up to the birth.

I've really been giving some thought to my apprehension beyond just the baby's health, too. I feel so angsty... so uncharacteristically, um, ambivalent STILL about a second child. I suppose it's in part because I am still in touch with how much work, stress, turmoil and worry a newborn can be (along with being completely wonderful and beautiful and sweet, I mean) so the What Comes Next factor's clear - I know what's coming and a part of me just feels too ... old? tired? already-in-full-use?, to handle such a huge adjustment. But that's not all.

Having one child - and a very easy-ish, fun, flexible child at that - affords me the ability to still be the me I enjoy being. The me who still has energy and time for writing, for taking care of my body, for being, sometimes, young and free and oh, I don't know, occasionally spontaneous. I still have enough of my own resources left (well, I did have before the pregnancy) to devote plenty of love and attention to Al, to be not just a mother and a wife, but Al's friend, his buddy, his girlfriend and all of those other good, extra, relationship-blessing things and things he deserves. I could find time to fix myself up, inside and outside, and be "fabulous" enough to fuel self-confidence, romance and fun in this relationship. And I'm scared. Terrified, actually, at times, that with two children, one of them young and so very dependent, that all of the extras of ME and of US will go, and I'll just be this mother of two, with nothing else to give but the daily offerings of that role, dried up and used up and gray at the end of the day.

It sounds so awful. I did NOT EVER feel that way when Bean was a little baby. Well, maybe a day or two in the beginning, while my body was still recovering and my mind and spirit adjusting. Yet she was only ONE baby. One other person who needed me besides Al. How will I stretch to meet THREE sets of needs... very different yet all so important, and still maintain the inner me, from which grows the person? The friend? The writer? The fresh, confident, creative, enthusiastic and genuinely happy woman I need to ALSO be on top of this wife/motherness? I can honestly say that all of those things have BEEN gone for nearly 20 weeks now, and I see the toll it's taken on Bean and Al, and the REASON I didn't think I wanted a second child is staring me in the face - this fear of losing my FORM, my spark, my Megan-ism, among the pure FUNCTION of parenting two kids, maintaining a household and all those jobs entail. It is clearly not enough, and won't be enough, for any of these people I love so much, to just DO for them. I am afraid I'll cease to BE for them, and the BEING is the part I think is most valuable. Otherwise they could just have a robot mother/wife.

I don't want to vanish into the flurry of function when I feel I've really just emerged (from a flurry of other things) in so many ways.

It's not a question or a struggle any other human can answer or free me from. I know where the answer lies. I know.

Twenty weeks. Deep thoughts. Good thing I have (hopefully) another nineteen or twenty to go.

Friday, March 14, 2008

19 weeks!

Yes, I did really have a leakage issue. I thought that was pretty common in pregnancy? It wasn't bad enough for anyone to know but me, thank goodness.

New pictures posted in the belly gallery. I have the weirdest belly in the world, I'm telling you.

So 19 weeks today! The cold is still miserable - probably among the top 5 of my life so far. When I lie down at night, my sinuses CLOSE. All the way. I literally had dreams about drowning last night the few times I was able to go to sleep.

BUT.

The nausea is once again gone. I've had MILD queasiness two times since Tuesday, and they didn't feel like morning sickness nausea at all. They felt like normal unpregnant I'm sick nausea. I never knew this, but morning sickness nausea is really different feeling than the other kind. It's higher up, I think, and plays with your throat and mouth more. Anyway. Gone. OHPLEASELETTHISBEIT!!!

Food is good again. Like really good. Mouth-wateringly yummy. But I've eaten very healthily this week and watched my caloric intake - enough but not too much. Haven't gained any weight this week, I don't think. A total of 11 or 12 pounds so far, though. Which means that to stay at my goal gain of no more than 26 lbs. (what I gained with Bean) I can gain 14 more in the next 20 weeks or so. I think I'm actually a little heavier at this stage than I was last time. Maybe 1 to 2 lbs.

Not that I'm thinking about it at all, you know.

The baby is over 5 inches long now, from head to bummy. And his/her little feet are an inch long. That's pretty big! No wonder I can feel kicks now! He/she weighs 7 oz, give or take an ounce or two. Aw.

I'm developing a faint linea negra this time. I didn't have one with Bean - I wonder why I do this time? Also, I have tons more freckles this time than last. And a weird red spot between my eyebrows that appeared BEFORE I even found out I was pregnant. (Just by a couple of days, though.) I think I'll go see if I can find anything online about that.

And that's about it for today. I'm wearing some maternity pants (brownish corduroys) from last pregnancy and they're kinda loose on me, but I can hoist them up and tuck them under my new Bella band and they'll stay put. I do like the Bella Band - it's pretty comfy and useful.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

18 weeks, 6 days - Drippity Doo Da

You know what's REALLY cool?

Bein' 19 weeks pregnant and having a coughing fit in the middle of Target.

'Cause nothin' says lovely maternal glow like peeing all over yourself in the Choxie aisle.

I'm just sayin'.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

18 weeks, 5 days - The Big Sister

Bean and I are still mucking through this stinkin' cold. She actually seems to be almost back to normal again, but I'm behind her by a day or two on my way to the finish line, I think. Probably because SHE gets to take all sorts of lovely decongestants and expectorants, while I slowly drown in a thick puddle of goo.

Lovely image, yes?

We aren't doing much. (What's new?) Walking up and down the stairs right now leaves me breathless with my heart pounding in my ears, so I try to avoid making many trips from one level to another. Oh, we eat meals, decent ones even, and we get clean and purty and dressed, and we make our beds every day, and the laundry's gettin' done and I cleaned the master bathroom yesterday because Monday night I could literally SMELL the dirtiness of it THROUGH my noseplugs of slime. And a girl just can't recover smelling dirty bathroom allatime. But by and large, those functions comprise the majority of our day's activity. My child is going to be completely vegetable-ized by the time this baby arrives. I feel SO BAD for her. But she continues to be mostly good. Occasionally she asks me, "Mama where are we going today?" and I say, "Nowhere baby, we're still sick, so we need to stay home and rest," to which she answers, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! I wanna GO somewhere." Truth be told, it's more than just wanting to rest, it's immense fear of catching yet another bug and being sick for another week. But the poor child. She is so much more extroverted than am I. Or Al. I wonder what Peanut's going to be like.

On a positive note, Bean has become quite adept at maneuvering her way around the PBSKids.org website on my computer and can play several of the cute little games. She can also switch from book to book at the online library site my friend Katie recommended to us a few months ago. And she totally made a pan of cornbread by herself last night. All I did was measure the milk and put it in the oven for her. Oh, wait. I cracked the egg, too, because UGH. Raw egg! And she emptied the upstairs trashcans and carried all the trash down to the big trashcan downstairs, too. She is one helpful little person, that one. She's going to be a fantastic big sister. Today she told me all the things she's going to do for her baby brother... change his stinky diapers, and read him a story, and rock him and put him to bed in the crib and wake him up and put him in the highchair and feed him and give him a bath and put his shoes on and play with him.

I guess after I birth the little guy, I get to go on vacation! Yay!

The little one continues to move around plenty. He/she seems so much like Bean - I think I'll be wearing this one a lot. This baby, like B, is restful and still when I'm up moving around but wakes up and waves limbs and rolls around when I sit or lie down. B was like that in utero and for a few months after she was born, the only way I could get her to nap was by strapping her into the Snugli and going on about my day as I had when I was pregnant with her. She'd ride around sleeping away as I cooked and cleaned and whatever'd - many's the time I found little particles of food from dinner preparations on her head or down the back of her clothes when I changed her for bed. Even now, that kid has to be right there with me at all times, helping and being involved in whatever I'm doing. At least, though, she'll sleep in her bed. She'd be quite a load in a Snugli at this age.

Well, this was more about big sister than about Peanut. And she's awake now and walking around looking like a little angry cave person, dragging Teddy by one leg and scowling at me through still-sleepy eyes with her hair all mashed flat on one side and puffed up and and out on the other. ROWRRRRRR! I could gobble her right up, if I didn't know she'd growl at me for it.

I'm glad I'm having another child. I can't imagine life without a toddler around. I really can't. They are guaranteed smiles, these little people are.

Peanut kicked on cue when I wrote that. Hi Peanut! (Smile.)

Monday, March 10, 2008

18 weeks, 3 days - Inside Outside Upside Down

Last night before Al and I went to sleep, we both were resting our hands on the belly and I was able to feel some movement from the outside. Al couldn't feel anything yet. I guess since I can feel kicks and movement from the inside, I'm more sensitized to exactly what I'm feeling for on the outside? I have to admit I felt a little impatient that he couldn't feel it. I kept thinking in my head, "It's RIGHT THERE. You're not trying hard enough!" But again, I suppose it's just easier for me. I feel actual kicks now - or at least small limby-feeling motions vs. just whole body ones. The top of my uterus is now a fraction of an inch above my belly button, so what I feel is higher up now, and coming out from behind the blubber layer right around my midsection. Maybe that's why I can feel more now. Plus, of course, the Peanut just keeps gettin' bigger.

We all three went to the doctor's office Saturday to get Al's ear looked at (finally). He's all set with antibiotics now. The next morning Bean and I both woke up with colds. She's slept fitfully (I surmise by the number of times she's gotten up) the past two nights. This morning she has a really low-grade fever, but I don't think I do. Thanks to the time change, we DID get to sleep in until 8:00 AM which is UNHEARD OF for Bean. Now she is very content to lie next to me in bed staring glassy-eyed at PBSKids and sipping cranberry-pomegranate juice. I have to admit that in addition to be sorry she doesn't feel well, I'm also a little grateful for this respite. Thanks to all the goo running down the back of my throat, my nausea was AWFUL yesterday, even despite frequent applications of the Preggie Pop Drops I bought over the weekend. (Which are delicious, by the way, and do tame nausea a little bit for a short period of time, maybe 15 minutes or so.) OH, and I also bought a "Bella Band" which is apparently the superbest invention and pregnancy wardrobe staple ever invented. I haven't worn it yet, but it does seem like a good idea. It's just a firmly elastic wide band that goes around/under the bump to provide comfy support and coverage, so you can wear non-maternity shirts and your normal pants (unbuttoned) longer. It just looks like you have on a layering tee or tank under your clothes. Mine's white. Maybe I'll try it today.

If I get dressed today.

I've put on more weight, just all of a sudden. I think about 2 more pounds in about a week and a half. I didn't get on the scales for a few days there, and when I finally did again, presto! I'd been eating really well for a week or so, and then last week that kinda fell apart. I was doing great, filling up with fresh fruits and veggies and soup and leaner, healthier protein options, but for some reason I just kinda fell off the wagon again. This week I'll do better. And as long as Bean or I don't end up super sick from this cold, I should be able to get out and walk a few times since the forecast is for temps above 40 starting tomorrow through the end of the week.

This pregnancy is so much like the one with Bean in the weight gain, belly growth and baby movement arenas. If it weren't for the nausea, they'd be exactly the same, really.

Baby's bumping around in there right now. HI PEANUT!

OH, WAIT A MINUTE! I forgot a very important little piece of news! We were driving around this weekend running errands and Peanut came up. Bean faithfully called Peanut "Baby Sister" and we faithfully reminded her "Or Brother!" and she got all quiet. A few minutes later she said, "Wew, I fink I changed my mind. I fink I want a Baby Brother now." And ever since then, for almost 2 whole days now, she's been talking about her Baby Brother. I have no idea why she flip-flopped like that, other than maybe she just got tired of us always correcting her. But it's sortof a relief to me.

Oh, and T - in answer to your question on the last post (just a minute ago!), no actual strangers have rubbed the belly yet. When I'm standing up, the belly just looks kinda fat and round, not pregnant. But it does get rubbed frequently by people who know me, like "Gramma" Terry and Auntie Angie at the diner around the corner and some of the neighbor ladies. And Bean and Daddy of course. They both love to love on the belly and talk to Peanut.

Friday, March 7, 2008

18 weeks - Zowie.

New pictures in the belly gallery!

So, I think I have the whole anemia/tiredness thing figured out. I ran out of my bottle of prenatal vitamins about 10 days ago, and got some new ones. They were very similar to the old ones. I started the new ones a few days before I started to feel all tired and anemic. Then I started the iron and felt better but the nausea was bad again (you're right, Laura!).

Well, two nights ago I happened to notice the dosage for the new vitamins. I was supposed to be taking TWO of the new ones per day, vs. ONE of the old ones. So essentially I was only getting half of what I'd been used to. I bet that's why I felt so awful.

So that mystery is solved.

Also, The Girls have developed a painfully itchy rash which is driving me a little crazy. You can't just SCRATCH there when you want to! I've been putting cortisone cream on them and the rash has improved, but they are still really burning and itching. Growth. Fun fun. I'm wearing my nursing bras now - they fit well but I wonder if I'll need bigger ones later.

I've had a few days with actual social contact with other adults and I'm feeling a little better moodwise. I could use a break from Mamahood this weekend - even for a few hours. Bean has been pretty intense this week - she wants to be with me every second and I love that, but I'm just desperately in need of SPACE.

The baby is still moving around a lot. I felt two actual kickish feeling things on Tuesday, but only the rolling, repositioning movements since then. My babies just don't seem to kick, or if they do, I just don't seem to feel the kicks.

Most of the women around me seem certain this baby is a boy. They don't know why, they just think, "boy." I can't wait to find out who is right. I still have no feeling one way or another, personally. The carrying/feeling/dreaming about this baby has been mysteriously un-telling to me, so far. I just pray it's healthy.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

17 weeks, 5 days - I've Been Placebo'd?

The doctor's office called today to say all my blood numbers came back normal. Makes me wonder though if maybe I was on the lower side of normal for hemoglobin/hematocrit but not low enough to be considered abnormal? Because I do feel better now that I'm on the iron supplements. I normally have extra high hemaglobin, so maybe their normal is low for my body. Who knows. I'm going to keep taking the iron.

The nausea has been bad the past two or three days. Part of it may be that I'm not getting enough sleep - the older kid is having some sleeping issues, as in not doing it. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. And Al has an ear infection/whatever so I don't like asking him to get up and deal with her. This week he's opening his new branch finally and I want him to get rested at least at night since he CAN'T stay home and rest during the day. Stupid ear infections. I hope Peanut doesn't get his/her Daddy's sinuses.

The level II scan is scheduled for Monday, March 24. I get a nervous ball of something in the pit of my stomach just thinking about it, but I have no reason to believe this pregnancy and baby are anything but 100% healthy and normal. All I can do is wait and pray and hope, really. And look forward to determining what this baby is, besides a baby. So we can pick out a name. I hope it gets easier when we know what kind of name we're shooting for.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

17 weeks, 2 days - Iron(Wo)Man

So, I think my anemia theory will prove true when the doctor's office calls with the test results. I don't think they do much, if any, of their lab work in the office. All my stuff usually has to go through LabCorp because of my insurance company. As I recall from past experiences, LapCorp is slow and kinda low-tech about most things.

Yesterday, after only one dose of the iron pills Friday afternoon, I felt AWFUL (even worse than Friday) all day long. I glanced in the mirror around noon to note that I was pale and my eyes looked weird (sunken, dark, and sickly). All morning I felt breathless, weak, clammy and my heart would race at intervals. I ended up collapsing in bed by 12:30 PM and sleeping for over two hours. It felt like five minutes, though.

I mostly rested the remainder of the day and then went to bed and was asleep before 10. I took two more doses of iron yesterday and another this morning. Today I look and feel much more vibrant. Not 100%, but definitely hugely improved. I even cleaned the kitchen and downstairs this morning and still had energy to go outside with Bean and Al for awhile.

We've rested and watched a movie this afternoon and I took a short nap again. My heart hasn't raced at all today although when I lie down I can hear it beating SO LOUD it's hard to relax.

Through all of this weirdness, the Peanut's been moving around a lot. I still never feel kicks - only rolls and position changes. Last night, Bean and Al put their mouths close to the belly and talked to Peanut. At the onset of each of their little talks, Peanut squooshed all the way to the opposite side of my belly from where they were talking really really fast like "WHOA! WHAT WAS THAT? Must get away from the NOISE!" The movement was so quick - like he/she had been startled by the sound. And then as each of them continued talking, Peanut would sortof roll around and maybe move his/her limbs and spread back out like, "OH, it's just you, Daddy." Or "Ah, that's just my big sister talking to me."

The baby has also started getting more active when I eat or drink, just the way Bean did when she was in there. All sloshy and swooshy and wavy. Very funny. Yes, we in this family like our food. Apparently we start that pretty early!

I can't feel any of Peanut's activity from the outside (with my hand) but when Peanut gets all curled up on one side or another of the belly, I can see one side raised up higher than the other, and feel a firm little ball with my hand. The little bump under my hand is about the size of a small apple, or a biggish lime.

It's amazing. I really am very happy (but still shocked, even this far along!) to be experiencing it all again, and enjoying these first interactions with our sweet baby Peanut. I know this stinkin' diary can be full of complaining and sortof a downer, but I really AM in touch with the miraculous gift our baby is. My brain and heart get all that, it's just that this body I live in isn't loving it so much right now. I guess I've never been all that great at the whole Mind Over Matter deal. I envy people who can manage that better than I can.

I BELIEVE that I'll turn a corner and feel way better any day now. I honestly do. The nausea has been better the past several days, it's just that now I've had all the anemia symptoms to deal with. But once that's all taken care of, watch out, world!

OH. Did I mention I'll be calling tomorrow to schedule our Level II scan? It's already time! Daddy and Bean are still sure Peanut is a girl! Hopefully we'll know in a few weeks and then I can be as sure as they are about it. It'd be nice to stop having to add "... or BROTHER!" to every Little Sister proclamation Bean makes. Tee hee. I don't know how she'll handle it if this baby is not her beloved Baby Sister.

My Lil Family