24 weeks. Large baby. LARGE.

This one? He liketh to maketh his presence known. I hope he IS giving me his best hard times now so he can be an easy baby, Mari. 'Cause if he is anything on the outside like he is on the inside, I'm in trouble. Yeesh.

So this week I saw a return of some nausea, some headaches and a LOT of exhaustion. I was also extremely emotional yesterday - on the verge of tears all day long, and again today I'm not quite right. Sensitive, I suppose sums it up. In need of some true alone-time. I'd love to just disappear for 24 hours and be a hermit. Bean has been a challenge -- as much of a challenge as she can be -- this week. Lots of emotional outbursts and just not listening or obeying instructions. It'd be taxing if I were feeling my best, but the way I've felt this week, it's just been ridiculously frustrating. I was so tired out and sick feeling Thursday night I couldn't eat dinner. I just wanted to go to bed and curl up and have a nice long cry. But I didn't, of course. I don't know where all this stuff comes from. This pregnancy is SO DIFFERENT.

I have a list of projects for Peanut and for getting the house ready for summer/his big arrival that I've gotten about halfway done on and stoppped. I just lose the ability to pull the trigger on anything when I'm pregnant. I have to get started - buy the bedding and drapes and make the final painting decisions for my whole upstairs. It just has to be done before I have this little one. Has to. But whew! I can't get on with it. I hit a wall when I get to a certain point.

I did buy my first little package of tiny little Pampers Swaddlers though. Sigh. Didn't find it hard to pull the trigger on those at all. Had to have 'em in fact. They're so sweet and little. Cloth diapers are so appealing to me, but wouldn't be right for the whole family. I just know I have to choose some things based on how easily I can get them done and still have time for everything and everyone else who needs me, including, well, ME. I'm stubborn and don't accept help and trying to care for a newborn AND do the whole cloth diaper thing on my own while keeping up with Bean and making sure Al's got everything he needs - well... too much. Just too much. I just want to be aware of my own very human limits. I admire Jemma and Alice for using cloth - I just don't think they'd work for us. Maybe when he's older and not wetting as often and I feel like I have a handle on things enough that I can take that on.

I gained a huge amount of weight this week, and I ate really well and walked three miles three days in a row! Pregnancy weight gain is like a snowball rolling downhill! I'm just whizzing along up to 150, no matter what I do. I'm at about 146ish right now, give or take. I guess I should just accept it. I finished up Bean's pregnancy at 156 - I know crossing 150 was scary for me that time too, I just don't remember that well when exactly that happened. But I bought some new maternity capris (jeans) yesterday and could still fit into a nice small size without trouble. Oh and these capris are the best piece of maternity clothing I think I've ever bought - they actually look cute and shapely, vs. making me look like a Weeble. Overall, it feels like there is more of me in the middle this time and less everywhere else, which is what I've always heard happened with boys, but I'd always assumed that was a wive's tale.

The walking on those three days was TOUGH, though. My uterus STAYED contracted in a tight little gnarl the whole time I was walking, so hard I had to stop a few times and wait for it to loosen up a little bit because it was just SOOOOOOOOO scrunched and uncomfortable. It didn't HURT - there was no pain - it just felt tight like a really clinched fist. I've had these Braxton-Hicks contractions so often and they started so early this time. In fact I don't really remember having any at all with Bean, and now I have many of them each day. And they last a long time, too.

Anyway, after the second day of walking (which I had to do on the treadmill because the wind was blowing too hard to go outside), in the evening my hips and shins hurt really badly. On the third day I didn't stop hurting until about 15 minutes into the walk even though I stretched out really well before starting. By day's end that day my lower back was THROBBING and the rest of me was SO sore. It's just so different - I feel blindsided by all this. Is it because I'm 40? I mean it was only 4 years ago that I was this pregnant with Bean and I didn't have these issues then, except maybe a little hip pain, and that was later, closer to term, I think.

Seriously, that's enough whining. I have to walk whether it makes me hurt or not - I can't let my muscles get all weak and wobbly or delivery will be much too hard and it'll take me forever to recover physically from the pregnancy and the delivery. I know that. I KNOW IT. So I'll just press on and try to deal with it. This is all temporary.

Bean is still so excited about her baby brother. She's always kissing my belly and talking to him and asking when he's coming out and planning little things she'll do for and with him when he comes out. She makes me proud, how loving and positive she is about this (at least!). I'm actually really looking forward to sharing Peanut's little early days with her - I think she's going to be such an amazing big sister and helper. I really do. But this little tyrant thing she has going is going to have to be resolved before then.

I know it's mostly her age - a normal developmental phase - but I also know it's my job to channel this independence, this knowing-her-own-mindness, into a constructive ramification for her (and the people around her, God love us!) I love her so much - I want to do the right stuff for her. It's just HARD right now. I'd rather lock her in a closet and go to bed for a few hours. Hee hee. Sigh. I'm kidding. About the closet, though, not about the bed.

What else? So much of my brain space is taken up with Bean stuff right now it's hard to concentrate on Peanut stuff. He's as active as ever - yesterday I was driving to meet Al for dinner and Peanut did something - a kick or a whole-body flop - that made my whole body rock in my car seat. Literally! He's already so strong and big, it feels like. I wonder how much bigger he'll be than B was when he's born. I know boy babies are bigger, usually, and he just FEELS so much more substantial.

I am a happy mama - pleased to be carrying another child - he's a blessing to me already in so many ways. I get so tired of the tone I frequently have in this journal - it seems that 95% of the time I'm soooo whiny. It's hard to capture how I feel physically without whining, because I just haven't had many of those bloomy, pretty, glowing, ethereal days. Next time I have one, I should come right to this blog and post all about it! This body has done it's job so well so far, getting pregnant and making me a beautiful baby boy, a healthy new life, and I've been able to manage a normal life and take care of my responsibilities. I can eat healthy foods without being sick, and I'm healthy too. All is well! We've been blessed with another child! It's a miracle and a joy!

Hooray for reproduction!

The belly gallery has been updated with 24 week photos. Lots of belly growth the past few weeks! Maybe that's why I've not felt all that great.