Friday, June 13, 2008

32 Weeks! That's 8 Months!

I know. It's been awhile and an update is long overdue. Along with warmer temperatures comes a lot more activity around here, which has been a good thing for all of us, although WHEW, I'm so worn out at the end of the day I don't dare lie down until I know it's 100% safe to go to sleep because the minute I get horizontalit's lights out in every sense of those words. And ohmygoodness it feels SO good to get horizontal, and particularly on my left side - such a huge relief to my entire system - like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH... that kind of relief. Amazing how much LESS of a relief it is to lie down on my back or my right side, even. But that left side, WOW! THAT is the ticket, right there.

Had a doctor's appointment Monday morning. No major stuff, just the customary trip to the ladies' room and the blood pressure check: 106 over 70-something. Baby's heartbeat sounding lovely and slow and steady, although Dr. Howey exclaimed as usual that HE NEVER STOPS MOVING. EVER. And I'm measuring right on target. Haven't gained anything in a month, but she's fine with that considering my increased activity level. I'm holding steady right at 150 buck naked, and I'm happy with that and how the weight's distributed, etc. Good stuff.

Still no stretchmarks and the belly button is hanging in there so far. It's very tiny now, but still a little peephole. Bean talks into it a lot as apparently that's the best way for Peanut to hear her. She's very into talking things over with the brother-boy lately, particularly when she's excited over something like DESSERT or playing outside. "C'mon Peanut! Wess go play outside!" Loving that.

We have just about everything we need to bring our boy home and settle him in. I washed his crib sheet today in preparation for setting up the crib in his room over the weekend. We need to get the curtain rod and put the curtains up, as well. And I still have to figure out what kind of changing table I want in there. The crib's white and the dresser's walnut. Or oak. So I can decide which way to go with the changing table. It can be a cheapo one that's just the top part on some shelves. I bought baskets with gingham liners to match the bedding in there, so those can just go on the shelves. Maybe since the baskets are white I'll get an oak changing table so together they'll tie the rest of the stuff in the room together. We also have a blue, red, lime green and cream rug to go in the room that will tie all of the colors together. It should be quite a cute little room when all is said and done. I still need more stuff for the walls, but that's not a major necessity. Oh, and I need a waste bin. Trashcan. Whatever.

B and I ran across a cute little blue and white Beanie Baby puppy at a store this week and agreed that Peanut must have it for his room. The puppy is sitting in there atop a pile of bedding and books and baskets and he looks happy and expectant. I like that look. He's waiting to be Peanut's Best Friend! Lucky little puppy. (Although we all know Miss Beanie will be Peanut's REAL best friend. I hope, anyway.)

I actually feel better than I have this whole pregnancy right now, now that I've worked out the right doses and timing for the Pepcid AC and the iron supplements and I'm staying busy and active and spending less time all holed up alone here. The nesting, as you can tell from this blog and FriedOkra has started in full-force and this time applies to the whole house instead of just the baby's room. There was just a lot of stuff that still needed doing to get us "settled" in this home, that's been waiting since we moved in and I know good and well it'll be a year or more after P's born that I'll have time or energy to think about anything like this again. So, it needs to get done now.

I've been thinking (okay, worrying, fretting and stewing) about life post-baby lately. I mean, not post baby. Post-BIRTH. I know I say this all the time but I feel conflicted and worried about TIME. I had no concept with Bean how very little time a mother has left in a day with a newborn to care for, and now I'll have a newborn AND a pretty demanding little girl to handle. And I feel, more than ever, that I HAVE to have time to do some things other than child care, namely blogging. A few VERY EXCITING opportunities have come up lately, ones I couldn't turn down because they are SO what I want to be doing. (I can't give details now, but I promise I will as soon as I'm allowed.) I mean, like DREAM opportunities. And I have accepted them, knowing full well I'm basically piling on the stress for myself - usually a person who requires and insists on tons of margin, time-and-stress wise in my life. I just wonder how on earth I'll fit it all in. Something will have to give and I know that. But what? And to whose detriment. I'm going to have to make those decisions carefully and really decide what has to go.

To that end, we've hired someone to do the cleaning again. I had someone during my last pregnancy up until B was about 8 or 9 mos old I think. This time I've started much later in the pregnancy and will probably keep her a little longer. It all just depends, really. Ideally I'd love to have a very very part time helper around here to watch the kids for a few hours a week so I can have dedicated writing time. I can get things done pretty quickly if I'm not constantly having to stop and start again, but trying to write while tending to just Bean makes a one-hour project take two hours, so imagine how TWO children will slow things down. But that takes money, to hire someone, and I am not sure how good I'll feel about spending Al's money on child-care when that's MY JOB. I know he'd support me if I wanted to do it, but that doesn't mean I'd feel comfortable with it myself.

I realize that this all sounds very selfish. Well, maybe not to EVERYONE reading, but to many. I think the thing is that I'm at a stage in my life where doing something I love doing - something that will stretch me in the way I want to be stretched and allow me to do a "job" I've dreamed of all my life - is just SO tempting, and seems like it could be so fleeting, too. I just feel pulled to grab the opportunity now AND do a great job being a mother and wife, because that's another important dream and of course the number one priority for me.

What it means is that I'll have to employ very very strategic time management and prioritization skills, which frankly, I don't think I even have, being as how I've never reallky demanded of myself NEARLY what I had the capacity for, being, as I said, a person who firmly believes in margin, AND, frankly, my priority for a majority of my life has been, well, MYSELF. And that HAS changed some with Bean and Al in the picture, but since Bean's gotten older I've had the opportunity to slip back into having my own needs as a priority on occasion again.

Oh, I don't know. I suppose it'll all find a way to work out and if I have to give up something blogging-related, so be it. I don't know why I'm writing this here, other than that Peanuts arrival seems imminent now and this line of thinking is related to what happens when he does get here, beyond the diapers and the late nights and the nursing and the household adjustment to our tiny new little manny mcman.

I just wanna do right by everyone, and not give up these things I love, just for me. If you have any sage advice, it's welcome. It's crazy to take anything on right now, while I'm expecting a baby, but I'm doing it anyway and I hope it all works out well.

But I'm happy these days. And getting excited about birth and having my little baby to cuddle and get to know.

I'm going NOW to update the Belly Gallery. The lying-on-my-back pictures aren't coming out well lately, for some reason, but I'm trying!


Jenn said...

I'm excited too! I can't believe how far along you are "already" - I'm sure it doesn't seem like already to you, though. I think finding a balance between being a mom and just being you is the BEST thing for everyone. Having at least a couple of hours a week to do what YOU want to do is going to make you a happier lady. And a happier lady is a better mom!

Jemma said...

Wow 32 weeks already that's crazy!

I don't know that you sound selfish. Sounds to me like you're figuring out the best routine for your FAMILY, which is surely the least selfish thing. Don't panic too much about having time to blog. One of the major advantages of breastfeeding is that with a good pillow it's hands-free! Since Bean is older an can occupy herself for longer spaces of time I reckon you'll find yourself sat in front of the computer with a suckling baby in your lap more often than you expect.

Yay for the cleaner! Hey if we could afford a cleaner I'd be doing it on the spot! In fact I know for sure that if we ever won the lottery the fist thing I would do (even before I told Stu!) would be to hire a cleaner ;)

AlaneM said...

I don't think you sound selfish at all. We all have something we need to do for ourselves & it sounds to me like blogging is your thing.
As far as hiring someone to help so you can write, I think that's totally reasonable. Especially when you have VERY EXCITING opportunities coming up :) And I wouldn't think of it as spending Al's money. I've said that about our finances before & Chris always gets mad at me. He says I work just as hard as he does, I just don't get paid money for it. He works for money for our family, not for him - it's our money, not his.
Blogging is important to you, it's part of who you are. Yes it will take time to figure out how everything will work together but I know you will find a way. (of course, there's my selfishness involved a bit here. I love you & your blog & can't imagine my cyber life without you!)
I know it will work out for you. It will just take some time & creativity to get there. Al sounds like he's a supportive kinda guy & my guess is that he will help you in any way he can.
Sorry for rambling on & on, I hope I've made some kind of sense here!

Oh, and I love how bean is talking to peanut - so very cute!

Lerin said...

I think selfish is the wrong word! We all want to retain who WE are, outside of being "just" a mom. I can't wait to hear about the opportunity!

Peter and Nancy said...

If it's any comfort, the kind of stay-at-home mamas we are now didn't happen until the 1940s and 1950s, I think. Before then, most moms lived on farms or helped with a family-owned business, so they were definitely "working" mothers . . . I'm pretty sure working from home while being you kids' best mom is totally doable (even if those first sleep-deprived months are their normal overwhelming selves!).

Finding some help for a few hours a week so you can work undistracted sounds like a great plan! Then you'll be able to focus on your kids when it's non-work time. Courage, Mama!

-- Nancy (a non-farming, stay-at-home mama of 3) :o)

Rambling On said...

I am so glad to see an update! 32 weeks???? Where has the time gone? You are so ready to have this baby! A boy. Bean is going to be the best big sister and you are going to have so much fun with a new baby. Hired help??? Lucky you, girl. My cousin has a maid that comes weekly and puts fresh sheets on the beds. How great is that. Just enjoy this time. you are healthy and look great and that baby will be here before you know it.

twithhoney said...

Peanut's room sounds adorable. I can't believe that you're far enough to be nesting already. It is so nice to get everything in order and ready for the little one to come home.

Jenna said...

I just have to comment on the line "I am not sure how good I'll feel about spending Al's money on child-care when that's MY JOB." First off, shouldn't the money be both of yours?? I mean, sure, he earned it but only because you were willing and able to care for his child (soon to be children) and his home... so I think you deserve to consider his income half yours as you are a driving force behind why he has an income... and if taking a little bit of "your" income to finance someone so that you can do what you love (and therefore be a better mother, wife, homemaker, etc) then I think that is a small price (excuse the pun) to pay. A happy mama makes a happy household and if what you need is time to write then that is what you should do. Just my two cents.

Alice said...

I'm with Jemma on the cleaner, lol! HOW I wish I had one! That cleaner would be doing ALL the cleaning in my home if I could have it so, just so that I could do what I wish I could be doing more of, with my little ones. NOT that I'm spending all my time cleaning (as you know *sigh*). But anyway - HIRE A CLEANER! And don't feel guilty for it! Definitely not selfish at all.

Also, a few hours a week of writing while somebody entertains your little ones, with you still in the house? Deeeefinitely not selfish. Sad, sad, sobby babies who miss their mama for the many many HOURS that she's away from them each week = perhaps not so unselfish. But mama recharging upstairs/in the next room for a few hours a week while happy little ones play with new entertaining adult? Totally fine, Megan. Please don't feel bad about doing this! I think it's a great idea.


p.s. I second (third? fourth?!) the "THIRTY TWO WEEKS, ALREADY?!?!" exclamation!! ;)

My Lil Family