32 Weeks! That's 8 Months!

I know. It's been awhile and an update is long overdue. Along with warmer temperatures comes a lot more activity around here, which has been a good thing for all of us, although WHEW, I'm so worn out at the end of the day I don't dare lie down until I know it's 100% safe to go to sleep because the minute I get horizontalit's lights out in every sense of those words. And ohmygoodness it feels SO good to get horizontal, and particularly on my left side - such a huge relief to my entire system - like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH... that kind of relief. Amazing how much LESS of a relief it is to lie down on my back or my right side, even. But that left side, WOW! THAT is the ticket, right there.

Had a doctor's appointment Monday morning. No major stuff, just the customary trip to the ladies' room and the blood pressure check: 106 over 70-something. Baby's heartbeat sounding lovely and slow and steady, although Dr. Howey exclaimed as usual that HE NEVER STOPS MOVING. EVER. And I'm measuring right on target. Haven't gained anything in a month, but she's fine with that considering my increased activity level. I'm holding steady right at 150 buck naked, and I'm happy with that and how the weight's distributed, etc. Good stuff.

Still no stretchmarks and the belly button is hanging in there so far. It's very tiny now, but still a little peephole. Bean talks into it a lot as apparently that's the best way for Peanut to hear her. She's very into talking things over with the brother-boy lately, particularly when she's excited over something like DESSERT or playing outside. "C'mon Peanut! Wess go play outside!" Loving that.

We have just about everything we need to bring our boy home and settle him in. I washed his crib sheet today in preparation for setting up the crib in his room over the weekend. We need to get the curtain rod and put the curtains up, as well. And I still have to figure out what kind of changing table I want in there. The crib's white and the dresser's walnut. Or oak. So I can decide which way to go with the changing table. It can be a cheapo one that's just the top part on some shelves. I bought baskets with gingham liners to match the bedding in there, so those can just go on the shelves. Maybe since the baskets are white I'll get an oak changing table so together they'll tie the rest of the stuff in the room together. We also have a blue, red, lime green and cream rug to go in the room that will tie all of the colors together. It should be quite a cute little room when all is said and done. I still need more stuff for the walls, but that's not a major necessity. Oh, and I need a waste bin. Trashcan. Whatever.

B and I ran across a cute little blue and white Beanie Baby puppy at a store this week and agreed that Peanut must have it for his room. The puppy is sitting in there atop a pile of bedding and books and baskets and he looks happy and expectant. I like that look. He's waiting to be Peanut's Best Friend! Lucky little puppy. (Although we all know Miss Beanie will be Peanut's REAL best friend. I hope, anyway.)

I actually feel better than I have this whole pregnancy right now, now that I've worked out the right doses and timing for the Pepcid AC and the iron supplements and I'm staying busy and active and spending less time all holed up alone here. The nesting, as you can tell from this blog and FriedOkra has started in full-force and this time applies to the whole house instead of just the baby's room. There was just a lot of stuff that still needed doing to get us "settled" in this home, that's been waiting since we moved in and I know good and well it'll be a year or more after P's born that I'll have time or energy to think about anything like this again. So, it needs to get done now.

I've been thinking (okay, worrying, fretting and stewing) about life post-baby lately. I mean, not post baby. Post-BIRTH. I know I say this all the time but I feel conflicted and worried about TIME. I had no concept with Bean how very little time a mother has left in a day with a newborn to care for, and now I'll have a newborn AND a pretty demanding little girl to handle. And I feel, more than ever, that I HAVE to have time to do some things other than child care, namely blogging. A few VERY EXCITING opportunities have come up lately, ones I couldn't turn down because they are SO what I want to be doing. (I can't give details now, but I promise I will as soon as I'm allowed.) I mean, like DREAM opportunities. And I have accepted them, knowing full well I'm basically piling on the stress for myself - usually a person who requires and insists on tons of margin, time-and-stress wise in my life. I just wonder how on earth I'll fit it all in. Something will have to give and I know that. But what? And to whose detriment. I'm going to have to make those decisions carefully and really decide what has to go.

To that end, we've hired someone to do the cleaning again. I had someone during my last pregnancy up until B was about 8 or 9 mos old I think. This time I've started much later in the pregnancy and will probably keep her a little longer. It all just depends, really. Ideally I'd love to have a very very part time helper around here to watch the kids for a few hours a week so I can have dedicated writing time. I can get things done pretty quickly if I'm not constantly having to stop and start again, but trying to write while tending to just Bean makes a one-hour project take two hours, so imagine how TWO children will slow things down. But that takes money, to hire someone, and I am not sure how good I'll feel about spending Al's money on child-care when that's MY JOB. I know he'd support me if I wanted to do it, but that doesn't mean I'd feel comfortable with it myself.

I realize that this all sounds very selfish. Well, maybe not to EVERYONE reading, but to many. I think the thing is that I'm at a stage in my life where doing something I love doing - something that will stretch me in the way I want to be stretched and allow me to do a "job" I've dreamed of all my life - is just SO tempting, and seems like it could be so fleeting, too. I just feel pulled to grab the opportunity now AND do a great job being a mother and wife, because that's another important dream and of course the number one priority for me.

What it means is that I'll have to employ very very strategic time management and prioritization skills, which frankly, I don't think I even have, being as how I've never reallky demanded of myself NEARLY what I had the capacity for, being, as I said, a person who firmly believes in margin, AND, frankly, my priority for a majority of my life has been, well, MYSELF. And that HAS changed some with Bean and Al in the picture, but since Bean's gotten older I've had the opportunity to slip back into having my own needs as a priority on occasion again.

Oh, I don't know. I suppose it'll all find a way to work out and if I have to give up something blogging-related, so be it. I don't know why I'm writing this here, other than that Peanuts arrival seems imminent now and this line of thinking is related to what happens when he does get here, beyond the diapers and the late nights and the nursing and the household adjustment to our tiny new little manny mcman.

I just wanna do right by everyone, and not give up these things I love, just for me. If you have any sage advice, it's welcome. It's crazy to take anything on right now, while I'm expecting a baby, but I'm doing it anyway and I hope it all works out well.

But I'm happy these days. And getting excited about birth and having my little baby to cuddle and get to know.

I'm going NOW to update the Belly Gallery. The lying-on-my-back pictures aren't coming out well lately, for some reason, but I'm trying!