13 weeks, 6 days - vacationing is hard work

So tomorrow I'll be FOURTEEN WEEKS pregnant. That means by anyone's calculations I am indeed moving into the second trimester. The concept that I'm pregnant and seriously going to have another baby/child still hasn't fully sunk in yet, but look at the clock, ticking away the minutes, whisking weeks and months off the calendar before my very eyes.

My body won't let me escape from the reality of my condition though. My mind may be grappling with what's to come, but my body and the baby's body steadily follow nature's course, growing, changing, becoming. I'm amazed at how powerless my weary, bleary, befuddled mind is to influence even the tiniest of physical details. It's hard to explain, really, I guess in a way I just recognize how completely out of control of this situation I really am. And it's disconcerting personally but comforting on a more universal level, somehow.

I had fooled myself into believing that being here in the warmer climate with family around me, busy and entertained, I'd somehow no longer be sick or tired or feel quite so heavy with this condition of mine, but my body wasn't fooled at all. It's just as sick and weary and sluggish and frankly, crazy, as it was at home. Throw in trying to stay involved in the activities of 5 adults and six kids who are never happy at rest unless they're in the bed asleep, and you've got the recipe for an absolute STUPOR. I'm keeping up, but barely. And I can't exert any extra energy trying to say, INTERACT with anyone. I just have to follow along quietly and observe. It's fun and I'm happy we're here. Bean is having the absolute time of her life with her cousins. But once again it's often a case of being present physically while my brain is hunched in a corner wishing it could just go to sleep and disconnect from this icky, tired, bloated, huge cow-like and anchor-like body.

I'm not even going to bother with a 14 week picture. Water retention and bloating and puffy intestines have all conspired to make me look about 6 mos along or more this week. Eating stuff like fried seafood and loads of Southern-cooked veggies has been so fun for the tastebuds, but the gut is staging full-on rebellion after every meal. I feel like a whale full of fire, acid and helium. YUM!

Despite all this, we're having a great time with my family and it will be hard to leave everyone not knowing when we'll see them again. If we repeat this trip same time next year, (I hope we will!), we'll be bringing Peanut Hoppy Feet, who will be a super-fun 5 months old. I'll probably be weary then, too, but in a totally different and more manageable way.

At fourteen weeks, I'm already starting to give up hope that this nausea will ever subside, although I know there's no reason to give up hope because MANY people don't get rid of the sickness until 16 to 18 weeks along. Still, 8 weeks of this has sorta worn me down spiritually I suppose. It's hard to imagine myself any other way than this way now.

But at some point I know I WILL feel better, and I imagine what it will be like and think how happy and joyful I'll be about it. That's sorta what get me through.

Happy Second Trimester, Hoppydoodle. I feel you in there often now and I really enjoy that part of carrying you. You seem slightly more active than your sister was, but then I didn't feel her until 16 or 17 weeks. I've been able to feel you for a month or more now. You like to let me know you're there, I think. I always respond to you when I feel a really strong movement by putting my hand on you (on your back, I think) and saying, "Hey Little Peanut, I feel you!" And you squirm a little more and then get still again. I hope you're getting enough rest and sleep inside me - we have had a very busy week!