10 weeks, 4 days - thank you

Thanks for the sweet and supportive responses to yesterday's tortured, melodramatic post. I actually teared up and cried reading them. (Does this surprise anyone? It didn't surprise me a bit.)

By and large (and I hesitate to even write this) I think I may have felt slightly better yesterday. Doesn't mean it's ending, because a good day can be immediately followed by a seriously awful day, in fact frequently is. We'll see what today holds.

It's funny that yesterday (and today, so far) I've wanted to eat the things I mostly wanted to eat during my pregnancy with Alex. Bland things that are sortof childlike - boxed mac and cheese, a can of baked beans, Jello with whipped cream. That makes me hopeful. Also, I'm figuring out that the way to go with eating is to eat my big meals in the morning when I'm least sick and then taper off as the day wears on and that gross curd in the my throat gets bigger and ickier. I had cheese grits and a hotdog for breakfast yesterday. I feel bad eating so much JUNK, but then I think it surely must be better than eating NOTHING. I think I'd like to try a BAKED potato sometime today - although potatoes in general have grossed me out now for weeks. Maybe a baked potato will be different. And it's not unhealthy, either.

I am hoping to see a decrease in all this - the nausea and exhaustion - by Feb. 1, when I'll be thirteen weeks along, so that I can enjoy the beach trip with my whole family. And eat seafood. And ride bikes. And laugh and feel "present" the whole time. And blog about the certain hilarity at FriedOkra. Heavens I miss that place. But I go there and I feel like an intruder - a stranger. I'm just not HER right now. Come back, FriedOkra person! Please?

Oooh that reminds me, I need to buy my new camera before our trip!

I've noticed a lot of the ladies on my due date boards talking about being gassy, and all of a sudden I'm right there with them (yes, even BEFORE the can of baked beans!).

My weight gain has finally leveled off - I haven't gained any weight in a little over a week now. I remember this from last time, too. I think my total weight gain is 5 lbs. now, which is a lot for a sick woman who's only 10 weeks along, but I think my body just does that. And I wouldn't be surprised to find out that at least 2 of those three are in The Girls, because they are once again inflating like they're hooked up to an air-mattress pump. No kidding. HUGE. And hurty. And how do you explain to a three year old who is an avid and very emphatic hugger than she's KILLING YOU when she runs up and tackles you chest-to-chest? Over and over and over again. YEOW.

I thought of the name Sophie for a girl last night and mentioned it to Al. He liked it. Haven't thought of anymore boy names. Bean is CERTAIN and FOR SURE this baby is her SISTER. She won't even consider the possibility she's a he. I hope she's not disappointed if she turns out to have a brother. She's taken to giving baby sister a kiss each night before she goes to bed. It's so cute and sweet!

And with that, the Bean is ready for breakfast and it's time to feed her delicate flower of a self (she said sarcastically as the child hangs over her, grunting and growling.) Love those three-year-olds. Completely uncivilized.