I feel better emotionally this morning though, and I can directly attribute that to the fact that every one of you are saying such wonderful, helpful, TRUE, supportive things when you comment. I also told my friend and neighbor Nicki yesterday and she jumped up and down, squealed and hugged me and then sat and listened and supported and hugged me more while I cried.
I am SO much more emotional already this pregnancy than I was with Bean. It's crazy! I just feel like crying all the time, and when I search deep down inside myself I'm all "What is so sad you need to cry?" and there's no rational answer, I just. Do. Need to cry. It feels like the worst PMS I've ever had. I don't seem to own my own brain right now.
Also, I already have THE NOSE. When B and I were at the grocery store yesterday I was literally ASSAULTED with smells around ever corner. Perfumes, foods, cleaning agents. This has been going on for a couple of days now.
I'm having lots of stretchy little aches and cramps in my abdomen. Not painful or scary, just, you know, there. My breasts did that little elecrical thing more yesterday, too, although mostly the left one, which interestingly enough was always the one that produced more milk when I was nursing Bean. And as I recall it did more of the electrical stuff with her pregnancy too. She preferred it to the right one when she nursed. Sometimes she'd fidget and fuss at the right and then would settle down happily at the left. And the left is slightly bigger, pregnant or not, as well. Interesting.
My mom (Nana) called yesterday to see how I was feeling from the stomach flu, and I told her I'm pregnant. She screamed (like she'd seen a cartoon mouse, is how I'd describe it). Not like a serious, OMG! scream, more like a laughing Oh Wow THAT'S a shock! scream. She seems happy/humored by my news, I suppose. She said It doesn't really impact her life much. And, well, no, as sortof brutal as that sounded initially, I suppose it doesn't. It's hard to believe that while I sit and worry frantically about how it will change my family's life, really, we're the only people who will notice the change much at all.
I haven't told my sister yet. I think I'd like to, even though she hasn't told me about any of her pregnancies until she's been in her second trimester. I'm thinking I might want to blog about this experience though, in the public blog and she reads there, so.
The house is back together after all the painting. It looks nice. I was completely shattered (as Jemma would say, or do you say that Jemma?) by nightfall after all of the emotional upheaval and the day's worth of activity and then getting the house put back together. I went to bed at 7 pm. Makes me wonder how much of the stuff I'd planned to do this year for Christmas - and I had a lot planned - may have to be set aside for a few years. I'm dying to decorate though but first I have to clean all the floors and dust and stuff as I'd put all that off until after the painters came. Then I can decorate.
We're having a holiday party on December 15. Probably 24ish people. I just have to make cocktails and a few appetizers because it's a progressive party, but even the thought of that is kindof scary now. I also promised myself I'd make a gingerbread house and decorate it and bake the ham biscuits for the neighbors (I'd be making close to 150 biscuits if I made them for everyone I want to make them for) (and biscuits are complicated!) Maybe I'll by the frozen, bagged biscuits and just put the ham in and be done with it. I'd hate to not do it at all.
The Christmas cookies I really wouldn't mind skipping. The shopping's mostly all done except a few stocking stuffers. Just have to wrap.
OHMYGOSH I'M SO HUNGRY ALL OF A SUDDEN.
I mentioned to Al that now might be a good time to go ahead and finish our basement, so we can have a proper play room and place for Bean and me to go sometimes during the day when the baby is sleeping and stuff. He said, "I was thinking that too!" It's nice to be in synch with him. The idea of construction in the house every day sounds awful, but having that comfy place down there for all of us, and an extra place for visiting family, would be so nice and would potentially cut down on my worry factor.
I should try to go back to sleep for a little while now.
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