Friday, November 30, 2007

rollercoastery

I'm back. I DID take another pregnancy test - about 30 minutes ago and yes indeed, the bun is still in the oven. The positive line is way way WAY stronger, so not only is the bun still in there, it's prgressing nicely.

I am feeling tired and overwhelmed today. Still no decent sleep last night. I woke up at 12:30 and 3:30 and each time it took me well over an hour to get back to sleep. I felt queasy for a long time - up until about noon, I think, but that sometimes happens to me when I don't sleep anyway, so maybe not related to the pregnancy yet. It's so early, really, for anything like morning sickness to kick in. Though of course not impossible.

Nevertheless Bean and I went out and ran some errands. It's SO cold outside, and windy. The wind just blasts away - I can hear it all around me in the house and it's a lonely, cold sound I don't care for. I love cold, either sunny or grey or snowy, but I don't like wind, regardless the temperature.

Everything still makes me cry. I heard that dumb "Met my old lover in the grocery store..." song, the one that ends with "and the snow.turned in.to. RAAAAAAAAAIN" (you know which one I'm talking about?) TWICE today while out running errands. On the loudspeakers in stores. Stores that were playing Christmas music. That is NOT a Christmas song - it's SAD. Anyway, TWICE, I had to just concentrate and make loud, distracting conversation with Bean and TRY not to hear that song because EVERY note of it just stabs at my little emotional heart. I seriously though I was going to have to sit down in the produce department at one point and just blubber like a baby. I also heard that Gloria Estafan song, "I Wanna See Christmas Through Your Eyes." Don't like that one much either and IT made me want to weep silently into the unsalted cream butter display.

Sigh. I really really loathe being emotional like this. It is SO not who I am.

On a positive note, I am laughing some again. I laughed a little yesterday and last night and then again this morning at the antics of Al and Bean. I can't remember specifics other than last night when we were going to sleep, Al was trying to set the sleep timer on our new bedroom TV. We already had the lights off and he hit the wrong button on the remote and accidentally ejected a DVD out of the side of the TV. (Which we'd never done before.) It fell out, rolled across the dresser and onto the floor, making a loud thud when it hit the carpet. We both just looked at one another wondering what on earth had happened. Al got up to investigate and found the CD and held it up, wide-eyed.

"It pooped out a telly-turd!"

OH MY GOSH. I really dislike that word, turd. I NEVER say it, and rarely find it even mildly amusing, but the way he said it, all surprised and full of wonder, it was just so incredibly perfectly timed and delivered. I thought I was going to wet the bed I was laughing so hard.

Anyway. I love to laugh. That I'm actually laughing again (the first few times since the stomach flu and the Big News) shows that I'm getting back to my normal self again. Which is a relief to me, even if it's scary to everyone else, hee hee.

But today HAS been a little harder. More like how I felt Tuesday, I guess. Tired and overwhelmed. I'm glad it's the weekend and I'll have Al here to lean on for a couple of days. I really need him to keep me rational when I'm all jumbled up like this.

I've had a few tiny little abdominal twinges today, but nothing of major consequence. I felt around for my cervix this morning it's all tucked way back and up like a dog's tail between its legs like it feels guilty or embarrassed or scolded. Naughty cervix! Hee hee.

No breast action either.

My nose is a little stuffy and I'm still thirsty like nobody's business.

I weighed about 131 lbs. this morning. That stomach bug was well timed. I'm starting this pregnancy at a really good, normal weight for me.

Food tastes extra good. Not as good as it tasted yesterday (ohmygosh yesterday I made beef stew over rice and I literally wanted to climb in the bowl and swim in it, it tasted so good to me!), but I'm tired, so that sortof explains it. I have to test out a couple of the dishes I'm making for the Christmas party this, so I hope my tastebuds are accurate. I'm bummed I won't be enjoying the pomegranate sangria I'm making as my featured cocktail. RATS!

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