Sunday, December 2, 2007

4 weeks, 2 days - the train story and the vainglory

Yesterday was rough, with Al in bed all day long feeling incredibly horrible. Alex and I ran some errands before the weather got too bad. It was snowing by the time we got home but after that we had about an inch of sleet and freezing rain so I was really glad we got home before all that started.

I've been wracking my brain HARD to try to figure out when my LMP started. I THINK I have it figured out based on what I can recall of a phone conversation I had with Al on November 2. I remember speaking with him early one morning and laughingly telling him, "Well, we got through another bout of PMS without any major fights. My "ladies time" (he got that from Everybody Loves Raymond - I'm not allowed to call it my "period" to him because for some reason that just icks him out) was here," And then, I think and he thinks I said "so now we can have a nice, happy, fun weekend!" The math with the oops sex we've had doesn't really work, though, even with that LMP date. We had unprotected sex on November 10th, which was 8 days later, and I normally have a 27-28 day cycle which means I should have ovulated on or around November 15th or 16th. So five or even six days later! Then the next time we even had sex at all, and THAT was using a Today Sponge (oh, the TMI factor of this post is completely in the RED ZONE!) was on November 17th. I am thinking that the Sponge failed me. Or I ovulated early. Either way, it was a long shot to get pregnant, but here I am. And either way, if my LMP started Nov. 2, I'm about 4 wks. 2 days pregnant now.

With Bean I found out ON the day my "ladies time" was to start. This time I found out at 3 wks. 2 days. Can you believe it's already been a week since I found out? Can you believe I got a postive reading at 3 wks. 2 days? (Julie please don't say anything about twins, you're killin' me!)

I've had a very brief two-breasted flash of that achey/hot/twingy feeling and one kindof shaky moment today, but other than that, despite the fact that I haven't had a decent night's sleep in well over a week, I feel pretty normal, energetic and "myself." Last night I had some cramping and lower back pain before I went to bed, but no blood. And now that I'm sitting here writing, I'm feeling those cramps again a little bit and that sortof bubbly feeling in my pelvis, too, that I remember clearly from Bean.

I'm back down to 129.5 lbs. again today. I've been eating fine, (I've wanted the same salad, lettuce with cubed turkey, shredded cheese, carrots and black olives with ranch dressing) for lunch the past 3 days. One day with croutons. (I know you're just breathless with excitement to even get that level of detail - down to the croutons! WOW!) With one meal a day being a salad and the others generally lightish (because I don't want to overeat - makes me feel SO FULL and uncomfortable) and not much snacking and virtually no sweets, I normally would lose a little weight. And then I just think because I've been really active and NOT sitting around snacking like I sometimes do, so I'm just shedding a few ounces here and there, and that's okay.

We've actually now found a boy name we both like! Actually it's a name, again, that we COULD use for a boy or a girl. It's sortof a modernish name but the middle name would be Culver, so that gives it good grounding and strength. The name is Keaton Culver. What think ye? Of course we aren't dead set on that one yet for boy OR girl, but it's one we both immediately thought sounded really nice all together with our surname.

I introduced Camille as another potential girl name, and I'm working on getting Al to consider it. He doesn't like Camille all that much but he does like the potential nickname of Cami. He does NOT like Lorelai and doesn't appear to even want to consider it. POOO.

I am really pining for another girl today. It's a grey, miserable day outside right now and my Mama's heart just looks into the future and envisions a day like this when Bean and Peanut are maybe 8 and 4, and we're here in this very kitchen together all warm and together, Daddy at the counter and me and my GIRLS (my girls! Alice, I totally get now why saying, "MY BOYS" makes you so happy and proud!) at the island working on a gingerbread house together. I can hear their voices and see their beautiful faces and something about it just feels so RIGHT. I love the thought of two girls. I hate even saying it though because it makes me all scared I'll feel disappointed if I don't get that. Even though I know that if Peanut is a boy, a day would come very soon when I would know God chose exactly the right little boy for me. I know that because I wanted Bean to be a boy and looky looky how wrong I was that time!

Sigh.

OH! While Bean and I were out yesterday, a lady at one of the stores (who was really pretty herself) stopped me to tell me how beautiful Bean is, which happens (I hate to brag but I'm just telling the truth) multiple times every time I take her anywhere, only this time she looked at me and said, "But you are so beautiful too, so how could she not be beautiful." MAN! No one (besides Al, which is enough for me) has called me beautiful in SUCH a long time. Maybe since before Bean was born. It made me feel so so so good, because I've been, very selfishly and shallowly as is my way, unfortunately, worrying about how having a second baby will effect my body and my overall looks (I know y'all roll your eyes at this stuff... you're so not shallow and vain like I am, sigh, but you ARE all beautiful.), and her compliment made me feel just so much better. I swear I'd have hugged her if I didn't think it would have freaked her out.

So yes, my body is one thing I've been wondering about.

I also wanted to show y'all this picture:

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You can't make it out that well in this tiny shot, but on the engine of the train says, "The Surnames," and then each consective car says, "Sissy" or "Buddy" or "Bean." I bought and had the train personalized last year this time and displayed it all season long. Thing is, while I was standing in line with my engine and my three cars, I just felt this WEIRD sense that I needed to get a fourth car. I reasoned with myself for a few minutes that I did NOT need a fourth car, because we have THREE children, but darn it the feeling I had to HAVE that fourth car wouldn't be denied, so I picked up another and paid for it after the other cars had all been personalized.

I do remember making mention of this to Jenn in an email and her getting all squealy. Do you remember that Jenn?

And now Peanut will have his/her car on the Surname Family Christmas Express come this time next year. Our tiny little caboosey-pie baby Peanut.

Sniffle!




P.S. Edited to add that in looking at the times and conditions under which Peanut was conceived, it seems more likely to me that she would be a she, because in either case, the sperm had to be extra strong to make it to the egg, either to have survived for a long time OR to have survived through spermicide. Unless the early ovulation happened, in which case, you know, whatever. But also I know Alice you thought the conditions surrounding conception of at least one of your sweet boys seemed more conducive to having a girl, and we see how that panned out, right? Still, it's something I've thought of so in the interest of full disclosure, there you have it!

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My Lil Family