5 weeks, 4 days - good breastfeeding link and, you know, my rambling brain

I found this link to a list of to-dos for establishing a good milk supply, on the La Leche League International website. It's EXACTLY the information I'm going to need to have at my fingertips and STUCK INSIDE MY HEAD when I start to nurse Peanut. I am so thankful I found it! It's all bookmarked on my laptop so I can refer to it as needed over the next months and beyond. The book(s) I read during my last pregnancy were fine, but a little generalized and a little softer touch. I need LLLI's firmness and eyes-wide-open approach, I guess.

I'm still not feeling much of anything. I worked out (on the treadmill - my regular three mile walk) yesterday for the first time since that horrible virus hit and that went really well. I didn't feel tired or lightheaded at all, and there were times I felt like running but didn't because Bean was close by and she kinda scares me around that treadmill. I don't want it to be going really fast if she somehow knocks something into it or tosses something at it, lest one or both of us be sucked under and ground up.

After my workout I came up and sat at the computer and ate a handful of spice drops. They tasted SO GOOD (like everything else I'm eating these days!) but the crash about an hour later nearly knocked me flat. I just can't DO massive sugar intake without feeling miserable for it later.

I had one decent night's sleep Sunday night. I got really hungry that night in the evening so I ate quite a bit prior to bedtime - all healthy stuff but I was pretty full when I lay down. I'm wondering if that isn't why I had a relatively good night? I didn't do it again last night because I didn't feel hungry, and last night was an awful night. I woke up about 5 times on my own and had a tough time getting back to sleep and THEN, at 4:00, Bean woke up and needed to be comforted. Fleh. I'm sleepy now and I know I could take a nap, but there's so much to be done and I took a 40 minute nap yesterday and felt groggy and yuck the rest of the afternoon because of it. So I think I'll skip that today, as badly as I want it.

It's so bizarre not to feel anything pregnancy-related. I won't see or hear or know anything about this little Peanut until my first pre-natal appointment in January and that seems strange. That all this time I could be thinking I was pregnant and then find out nearly 2 months in that I WAS pregnant but not viably so and that the baby stopped growing weeks ago or something. Because I'm just that asymptomatic. And not everyone has an actual miscarriage immediately, so it's dinstinctly possible that could happen - something could already have happened. Not that I'm worrying right now. Just that it's weird.

Did I ever mention in here that the night before we found out I'm pregnant, Bean said out of the blue, "I fink I'd like to have a little sister." Then last night, I was goofing off with her, pulling up my shirt and poking my belly out really far and she said, "Whoa! Mama, it looks like you have a baby in dere!" Al and I just looked at each other.

We're not keeping the baby a huge secret from her. We talk about Peanut in front of her but she doesn't seem interested. No need to tell her directly for awhile now. I'll tell her when I start showing a little, I guess. So she'll really have something tangible and visible to watch grow and (hopefully) be excited about.

I just took my first Belly Gallery photo. You can see it here. If you have any really great (somewhat modest) ideas about a neat, interesting artistic way to take these shots, let me know. I'd be very interested to try something different and special.